Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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