Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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