Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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