Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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