Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
