my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
it's like iHOP with fire
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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