i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
