He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
