I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
