Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
She's JV to your varsity
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Randomize
