he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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