note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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