well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
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Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
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I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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