the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
