I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
you traded sex for a burrito?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
