I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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