oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
