Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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