The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
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