we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
