You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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