Even water is tasting like jack daniels
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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