Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
