Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
