I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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