he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
