just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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