I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
