he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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