Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
false alarm. still invincible.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
