I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
You're breaking my sexual little heart
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
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