Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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