The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
