You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
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I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
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Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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