Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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