YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
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She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
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Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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