awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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