4 words: hood of his car
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
