Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
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Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
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One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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