At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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