i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
