So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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