Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
