Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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