i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
