he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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