White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
