I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
lol hangovers are for mortals.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
