I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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