i just wanna soil my oats bro
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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