You really coming over, don't trick.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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