wakey wakey hands off snakey
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
We are two peas in an std pod
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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