you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
