I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You pole danced in your parka.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Randomize
