you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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