I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
bring money and cleavage
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
