bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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