I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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