that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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