Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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