I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
