just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
