He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Just high enough for therapy.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
