Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
